On Hitmodedut

Hitmodedut is a Hebrew word that has no precise English definition but the closest equivalent would be “a grappling with”. The Hebrew word comes from the Hebrew root MADAD. MADAD gives us the word for measurement and the word for coping.

It is not by coincidence, though, that the term for measurement and coping are related.

To cope with something, to deal with something, can be a passive act, can be an act of something happening to you and you suffering the consequences.  But coping can be active as well. Coping can be the active sizing of yourself in the face of a difficulty.  To deal with an issue can be to see yourself in that issue and understand how you would respond to it.  And this is where measurement comes in.

Lehitmoded (the infinitive of hitmodedut) in Hebrew means to deal with, cope with, but it also can mean to measure oneself.  When you lehitmoded with someone, you are facing that person.  You are sizing yourself; you are seeing how you measure up to them. And what is important in this process is seeing how you are different from that person. The measurements will never be the same, and yet this is exactly what makes you equal. Understanding yourself in the situation, understanding the person you are facing in the situation, and accepting that person - this is hitmodedut.  Hitmodedut can only come from a place of love. Hitmodedut involves seeing the person for who they are and seeing them for who they can be.  Hitmodedut is harnessing the unique spark inside every human being and making it shine brighter.

Truly, even in a hitmodedut with a person, you face yourself, for when measuring another person, you hold a mirror up to yourself.  This mirror reflects back upon you the demands you place on another person.

When measuring another and measuring yourself, you gain an understanding of exactly where the next step needs to be in order to facilitate growth. This also places a responsibility on you to take that step with the person, to show them the way, to see yourself in the mirror taking the step alongside them.